My enlightenment experience!

 
When it comes to humiliating someone, why blame words or the choices words. Simple way they can do so is just by ignoring you. 

Try the trick in discussions/debates.
It works!

न लागणारी झोप, सल्ले आणि काही नवीन शोध...

"योगासने कर"
"रीलॅक्सेशन म्युझिक.. माझी मुलगी लगेच झोपते"
"अॅरोमा थेरपी"
"आयुर्वेदिक औषध घे.. झोपण्याच्या गोळ्या खाण्यापेक्षा बरं!"
"जटामासी"
"सारास्वतारिष्ट"
"जायफळ?"
"फार विचार करत जाऊ नकोस. उद्याची पर्वा कशाला करतेस?"
"लग्न कर. नवरा , मुलाबाळं असली तर आयुष्याला दिशा मिळते"
"जेवण नीट कर. अचरबाचर खात बसू नकोस:
"डोळे बंद करून जप कर. कशाचाही... रामनामाचाच कर..."

काय.. काय.. काय...

मला झोप यावी.. म्हणजे रात्री... म्हणून आप्तस्वकीयांनी, मित्रमैत्रिणींनी दिलेले सल्ले.

"सल्ले काय? प्रेम आहे म्हणून सांगतात बिचारे. तुम्हाला माणसंच नको अवतीभवती. एकटी राहण्याचे हे परिणाम आहेत!"

एक ना दोन सल्ले.
विषयाला हात घालून मग वाटेल तीकडे भरकटत जाणारे. त्यातून कधी उत्सुकता, कधी प्रेम, कधी वडीलधारेपणाचा भाव (आव म्हणण्याची माझी हिम्मत नाही.) कधी भोचकपणा, कधी कुजकटपणा.. असे अनेक भाव डोकवत राहतात.

'अरे.. मुद्दा काय होता!?'
माझा विषयाकडे आणण्याचा क्षीण प्रयत्न.

"हे सगळे एकमेकांशी संलग्नच आहेत मुद्दे. आम्ही चार पावसाळे जास्त पाहिलेत."

'बरं!'

मी आपली अजूनही नेमक्या औषधाच्या शोधात. किंवा डोक्यात घोंगवणाऱ्या प्रश्नांच्या उत्तरांच्या शोधात.
ते शोधतांना निरुपयोगी असे किंवा तेच तेच हाती लागेल याची मनाची तयारी असलेली.
पण रात्रीच्या रात्री तशाच जागून संपतात. तेव्हा सोबतीला कोणी नसेल असे वाटावे.. पण घुबडं, वटवाघळं, रात्रपाळीत काम करणारी माणसं.. असंबद्ध बोलणारी RJ मंडळी.. असे अनेक निशाचर, night watchman, शिट्टी मारत काठी आपटत जाणारा गुरखा, लांबून ऐकू येणारे ट्रक्सचे आवाज... आणि कडा बदलत असलेली मी.

पण अगदी माझ्यासारखे म्हणायचं झालं तर असतीलही आणखी महाभाग. किंवा दूरच्या कुठल्यातरी तुरुंगात तोबा टेक सिंग.

मनात, डोक्यात काय विचार चालू असतात तो एक स्वतंत्र विषय होईल.
पण मुद्दा तो नव्हे. आजचा मुद्दा म्हणजे सल्ले.

तर आजचा नवीन एक सल्ला. सल्ला म्हणा, आयडिया म्हणा अथवा जाहिरात म्हणा...

तर आज कळलेले खूळ.. Boyfriend cuddling pillow.

म्हणजे काय तर उशी. उब देणारी म्हणे. पुरुषाचा शर्ट उभा कापलेल्या आकाराची.
आत.. अर्थातच कापूस.

बेसिक फिचर्स  म्हणजे बळकट हात/दंड, भरदार छाती आणि पोटाचा भाग.
तोही अर्धा.
तेवढेच लागते उब द्यायला.. असो.
स्वप्नांच्या दुनियेतील मजा. fantasy!
कोणीतरी बाहुपाशात घेऊन निजवते आहे असा आभास निर्माण करणारी उशी.
कोणीतरी अस्तित्वात असो व नसो..
तो कामानिमित्त दूर गेलेला असो.. आता तसे काही अडत नाही.  म्हणे... ( स्वप्नांच्या दुनियेतला तो प्रियकरच असावा. नवरा उब वैगेरे देतो?)
उब देणारा  , म्हणजे देणारी उशी तर आहे ना! (बायकांना फक्त उब हवी, सेक्स नको? म्हणजे हक्काचा..?)
सोप्पे.
लगेच फोन करा.. सूट मिळवा वैगेरे वैगेरे...

आणखी शोध घेतला इंटरनेटवर... आणखी अनेक डिझाईन्स सापडली. तर घराच्या घरीच अशी उशी कशी बनवाल याचे प्रात्यक्षिकं देणारे videos पण मिळतात. "Boyfriend cuddling उशी बनवा आणि मला फोटो पाठवा.."
'बरं!'

पुरुषांसाठी मिळत असेल का अशी उशी? त्यांना असते का अशी काही गरज? त्यात काय फिचर्स असतील? भरदार हवी आणि स्तन तर नक्कीच हवे. कर्व्हज्  असतील. आणखी काय लागते?

नक्कीच मिळत असेल.

शोधलं.. पण पुरुषांसाठी फार काही सापडलं नाही.

त्यांना उशीबिशीची फारशी गरज नसावी बहुदा....

**Disclaimer:  I appreciate and respect the fact  that the reader can be a close friend who probably helped me in my battle. There is no attempt to disrespect anyone or hurt anyone's feelings. These are only midnight scribbles. 

Irony -1

Lesson learnt -

If someone is following you closely, watching your way towards freedom, empathetic towards a success story.. suggesting ways to overcome obstacles, be a part of your struggle; praising you for that or being proud of it.. wanting to be like you.. doesn't mean that he will follow the way to get to his own's freedom.

Every man takes his own time to get there.

or he will never try to get there. 

He gets Institutionalized to his present state, no matter it doesn't give him peace or even freedom from his mundane state.

There is nothing you can do to his unhappiness towards the present state or cribbing. Probably, for the current state, its just gives him a reason, something to talk about, something to crib about. Because he is not ready for change. Because one needs to pay the price for everything he get in life, so is freedom.

Well, for you, if you are strong, you just cant be strong for yourself. He will lean on you to get his bit of happiness which is often short living. You have to be strong for him too.

Pro side: A hope, that at some point of time every man reaches his breaking point. And gears up to find his way out. So wait and watch.

Flip side: Irony continues..

True for everyone.. because this struggle goes on.

Uncompiled notes on : Womanhood, the word 'Bitch', Women’s Day, Freedom or Empowerment, Celebrations..etc etc -1

Ram Singh is dead today. A famous rape criminal who murdered a 23-year-old female physiotherapy intern in the capital in the gang-rape (again, in the capital) "supposedly" hanged himself in one of the most famous jails in India, in the capital. Regarding the particular case, many of us seem to have denied the real need of the probe (whether its a murder or genuine case of suicide), but that's not the point in the rage of reactions.

The real context is about Indians (in capital) came on the street, an agitated crowd who took the headline space in almost all the forms of media, Television, Print media, blogs, facebook/twitter etc. Some of us, including media, described it as movement, others as mere agitation, someone also brought the fact into light the real difference between an agitation and movement..

After a few days, other things happened, something happened in probably US, some bomb blasts, yearly financial budgets time in Feb-March or discussions/agitations about religious fanaticism.. Eventually, the concern about women, which was the agenda of Socially conscious media, was subsided by other news from headlines..

And now the discussions are about Ram Singh...

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After the gang-rape case in Delhi (2012), suddenly, the need for security of women took primary place in the common discussions. Unfortunately, it took a the most unfortunate way, morale policing. The famous theory of 'Women who wear (should be blamed) "revealing" clothes attract rapist'

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An incident in my college days. We too had a set of 'goondah' elements in the college,which is very common. One day when we were doing nothing on the college campus, two such men came from nowhere in the parking place where were passing the time sitting on some of the parked two-wheelers. They were many years senior to me, unable to pass engineering exams, and had weird looks.

They came, they sat on the bikes (one of them sat on my own bike) very close to us in the effort of bringing the fear about them (probably, for ignoring them for a 2-3 year and not getting bugged of them as well) 

I was scared surely, but somehow, we din't move. They said something I can't recall now, but that was useless talk for sure. I understood that they too were scared. They left suddenly in a few minutes.

Unaware, whether it was our victory that they left without creating any further nuisance or whether it was our insult that they dared to approach us, my friend and me stood there for some time.

While we were still confused, two senior guys, appeared from nowhere, said 'Hello' to us and left.

A week later, these two senior friends again approached us to apologies for not saving us from goondahs. I remember that I wondered then, that how they would "save" us? Being not enough matured to articulate in appropriate words, we said,"It's OK" But they were feeling ashamed. 

I wondered then, and now, did those men think that they are our saviors? But, their "goodness" dint help us. Moreover, I realized that, during the incident, I had noticed them from the corer of my eyes, but even in that uncomfortable situation, we did not seek help, probably we were confident to handle the situation. 

The goondahs never troubled us again. 

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In the same age, I was fascinated by the fact that I can live entirely independent of being in a traditional dressing, which was salwaar-kurta (which although is a traditional dress of women in north India, but I remember my Mother's generation rebelled to wear it, straying away from traditional clothing style of wearing Sari.)

I had a pair of jeans. I used to wear a formal shirt in college hours, and then a T-shirt after coming back home, which I thought was quite rebellious for a small town in 90's  

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In the later years, I wore a Sari at my workplace, an IT company, a guy, whom I barely knew, walked to me, while I was engrossed in the work. 

"What's special?" he asked.

"Nothing", I was really engrossed.

"Are you getting married?"

"ehh?"

"No, you are wearing Sari.. just asked because there is no occasion today?"

I was being questioned for wearing the attire, what my Mom's generation fought against. 

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We were travelling by train on the southern coastal part of the India, I was a kid then, someone criticized the tribal or village women for not wearing blouse with their Saris. I was very young to feel offended. But my father later told me, its the weather conditions that dictate clothing style of native people. "Don't feel ashamed of them" I remember him telling me.

A few years back I was reading journals on feminist movement in the West. One of the article was based on the feminist movement of women in the West who protested topless in 70's/80's. 

While this movement began in the West, I was searching  for the details on the same on internet, an important and opposite fact came into picture, which happened in the same duration in India called as 'Upper Cloth controversy' in Kerala, India. Wikipedia says "The upper cloth controversy or upper cloth revolt refers to incidents surrounding the rebellion by Nadar climber women asserting their right to wear upper-body clothes against the caste restrictions sanctioned by the Travancore kingdom, a part of present day Kerala, India.

In Travancore, Cochin and Malabar, no female was allowed to cover their upper part of the body in front of Brahmins of Kerala until the 19th century. Under the support of Ayya Vaikundar,^[1] some communities fought for their right to wear upper clothes and the upper class resorted to attacking them in 1818. In 1819, the Rani of Travancoreannounced that the lower castes including the Nadar climber women have no right to wear upper clothes like most lower non-Brahmin castes of Kerala. ^[2] However, the aristocratic Nadan women of the region were exempted from this restriction. Violence against Nadar climber women who revolted against this continued and reached its peak in 1858 across the kingdom, notably in southern taluks of Neyyattinkara and Neyyur.

On 26 July 1859, under pressure from the Madras Governor, the king of Travancore issued a proclamation announcing the right of Nadar climber women to wear upper clothes but on condition that they should not imitate the style of clothing worn by upper class women.^[3][4][5] Though the proclamation did not quell the tension immediately, it gradually subsided as the social and economical status of Nadar climbers progressed in subsequent decades with significant support from missionaries and Ayya Vaikundar."

GoTopless Inc. was formed in 2007 in the United States, and claims that women have a constitutional right in the United States to be bare chested in public places on the same basis as men

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Interestingly, on a Facebook conversation, an enthusiastic and Facebook active female friend used the word  ‘bitch’ in a very casual way. I was surprised but dint say anything. Similar reference came in the another Facebook conversation on her fb post in the context of  woman’s day.

I understood that its some kind of slang, I couldn't help myself, anyway I am too naive for the slang world of communication (?!) I took help of Google. I knew, by very dictionary meaning is a female dog and the word is used in the context of women in sexually derogatory context, but sure there was something else. Till then, I was carrying only one impression of the word, which was insulting, But seems that modern use of the word in the context of modern feminism, also refers to a strong female.

My Google search also brought to a notice that there are wines named as 'bitch'

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My Mother's generation (urban of course) seems to be pretty excited about Woman's day. (And I never felt the need of celebrating "a" day, for being a woman) I understand the social context of her generation and even now in broad social terms. I remember she had arranged a lecture of Sindhutai Sampkal at her workplace, a government office. She was very happy that Sindhutai came to our home, respecting my Mom's word. Later, after a few years, I watching Sindhutai's interview on a TV channel. I must accept, she was really one of the most modest woman in spite of being strong character.

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I wonder the context of Woman's day in the IT organizations where I work. We "supposedly" belong to the "empowered class. But I just know only one woman who fits in top brand Managers by designation in the crowd of 1000+ individuals.

Since I work in an isolated cell in the building, I was unaware that the office was decorated by Violet color which represents justice in the context of Woman's Day, which was interesting. While we were busy in the deliverable and a customer visit, I was disconnected from whats happening for Woman's Day. Later when I found, a few women had dressed up in traditional attire, heavily embroidered Violet Saris, cladded with jewellery  or others in some celebration clothes. A flea market was arranged to sell womanly things. 

I wonder how many could attend the interesting lectures on Woman Empowerment or on Self Defense Techniques.

Later, when I was leaving office at the end of the day, I happened to meet a Senior Manager who travelled from London for the customer visit in the lift. Although it was Friday, a day of casual dressing, we were wearing formals for the meeting with some high profile customer. I was wearing business suit, a skirt. Casually, we greeted each other and I was shocked and angry that this man was looking at me from top to bottom, twice. He asked " how was the celebration?" 

"What celebration? " I frowned.

"Well, Happy Woman's day!" While we were interested in the details of customer visit and upcoming business, he had assumed that my skirt has something to do with Woman's day!?

"I don't need to celebrate one specific day, as Woman" I snapped back. 

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My housemaid sounds more confident about her rights as a woman when she deals family or social problems than my female colleagues.

Recently heard the news that a friend, who is highly educated and with educated upper middle class family background, is beaten by her husband (more than once). She still lives with him.

Another friend, hard working, dependable and sincere, can never feel proud about her professional success because she cannot spend enough time for her household duties. She always carry the guilt.

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I often wonder if we have correctly understood the meaning of the word "empowerment" in the gender context.

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While I was discussing about the 'Vagina Monologue' performance with someone, who is a strong woman, well read and a senior gynecologist, was unaware of Eve Ensler.

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Aur..tum.

Wo mausam kaunsa tha.. yaad bhi hai..?
Mujhe yaad to nahi.. lekin barish shuru hone me thi.. kuch dino me..
Thoda dimag pe jor daalu to yaad aa bhi jaye shayad ..
Lekin wo koshish jaroori nahi lagati...

Yaad hai bas wo dhundali si raat
aur mitti ki khushboo..
Barish nahi thi... yakinan...
lekin main bhiga sa ek ehsaas jaroor tha..

Aur.. Tum the...

The game of Power..

They were enjoying their evening..
So did she..
She dint know what she was going into..
So did we..

Something was lying ahead...

No one knew her before..
And she dint know them..
They were many..
She was not alone either.

But.. It was a game of power..

Some of them were majors
And some were minors, they say.
But the minors too had to prove their masculinity
How does it matter..

She lost the game.. anyway.. the game of power..

What if all of them were minors?
What would have changed for her..?
What is right and what is wrong..?
Who deserves another chance..?

Who would answer...?

It was the game of power..
She fought against it then..
She will still fight..
The game of power continues..

A Happy Man..

Today, I met a happy man.

"What's so unusual about it?", asked a Friend.

It was unusual, I thought.

He is no saint. He is leading a "successful" life.
He had his share of grief. He had his share of difficulties and challenges.

"So? What makes him happy?Then  he must have happy pictures on his Facebook!?" Friend insisted

"No, He doesnt."

"Is he a self satisfied guy? No ambitions?"

"No.. He is intelligent and he could have gone places.. But he had already.. gone places."

He was just happy about it.

He doesn't know what lies ahead in future and he doesnt know how long this phase would last.
He knows that life is uncertain and it can change at any moment.
But he was not thinking about it.

Just that.. he was happy.. and I carried a bit of happiness  on my way back!